Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Winter Driving and the Zombie Apocalypse

Greetings friends. It's that time again for my annual winter driving rant, where I sound like a crazed Andy Rooney. And yes, I realize if you're reading a blog, you're probably not old enough to know who that is.

This year, my observations are linked to the forthcoming zombie apocalypse. When snow comes to Minnesota, as it did by force recently in the Great December Blizzard of '09, anarchy ensued on the streets.

Stop signs and lights were obeyed - when possible. Speed limits ceased to have meaning, as one would go as fast as they could on top of 4" of snow, or as slow as their brakes permitted. Ice means cars zooming through intersections and into ditches, if not other motorists. Panic and lawlessness seem to prevail in such a storm as accidents detain the attention of law enforcement, leaving the populace at large to fend for themselves.

This is not unlike the zombie apocalypse, where the undead go around devouring the living. I'm projecting that this is what the Mayans had in mind for the end of the world in 2012. Sort of an unnatural disaster. No doubt this will cause pandemonium and defer law enforcement officials from keeping the peace to addressing the literal uprising. I imagine a similar amount of groaning and moaning would be present as in a snowstorm. Body parts, either from crashes or frostbite would be lying about as though zombies were dining with poor social graces.

So my winter driving suggestion is to treat blizzards like a zombie attack. Stay home and load your shotgun until the threat passes.

Matt